6 Steps to Help Reignite the Passion in Your Marriage

By Emily Wierenga

I was sitting in a hotel room on a king-sized bed at a conference.

I was sitting there alone, not minding being alone, wishing that I missed him. Wishing I missed the man I’d been married to for eleven years and I was forgetting what the touch of his hand felt like.

His calloused, farm-boy hand, the one that found me across the duvet those three years I relapsed into anorexia and sleeping pills. The one which fed me ice chips as I birthed two miracle boys, the one which always gave me the first strawberry of the season from our garden.

I crawled onto the king-sized mattress then, stretched out across the miles of bed and cried. I was scared.

I was scared of forgetting how to be in love with my husband.

Many marriages—no matter how strong—finds itself here, at some point: at a crossroads. And it’s there, at the crossroads, that we have a choice.

If we stay on the same path, we’ll end up not recognizing one another in 10 years and arguing over who gets custody. It’s a pivotal moment, this crossroads: of deciding—do I still believe in love, and if so, am I willing to allow it to transform this relationship into something they make movies about?

In other words, do I believe love is the most powerful force in the world? And if so, can it overcome any obstacle—including indifference?

I believe it can. In fact, I know it can.

It means reaching the crossroads and choosing the narrow path, the one leading to a marriage so real and intimate it will make our kids want to get married. The choice is to keep falling in love with your husband.

So here are six things that helped me reignite the passion in my marriage:

1. Don’t be afraid to apologize. Grab your husband’s hand and feel the roughness of his palm and say, “I’m sorry for not letting you in.” Be vulnerable, and in turn, he too will become vulnerable, and your feet will turn towards the road less marked.

2. Choose your husband over work. Set aside evenings to spend with him. Put technology away, and play ping-pong in the garage. Let him make you belly-laugh again.

3. Don’t compare your husband to other men. Comparison will eat up contentment. It will rob you of joy. Our disappointments are only as great as our expectations. As bad as it sounds, lower your expectations of your husband and accept him as HIM.

4. Believe that your husband loves you. He tells you all the time, but sometimes, you may stop hearing him. He loves you. For better or worse, till death do you part. He loves you. Never forget that.

5. Be bold in the bedroom. Our hubbies desire to be desired. Light a candle, slip into something sexy, and show your man how much he means to you.

6. Prioritize your husband over the kids. We live in a culture that says kids are more important than marriage. But it’s our marriage that’s going to be there long after the kids go. Focus on loving your husband first and your kids second, because in the long run that will bless your children the most.

Marriage is the fire that family gathers around, friends. The key is to never let it go out.